PERFECT DIET, OH PERFECT DIET, WHEREFORE ART THOU???

In the last thirty years, I have personally tried every single diet known to man and woman… well, mostly woman.  From the South Beach diet to the Beverly Hills diet: from the Cabbage Soup diet to the Eat-Only-Every-Other-Tuesday diet; from All Carbs, to Low Carbs to No Carbs; from the Have-Your-Jaw-Wired-Shut diet to the Orange-Foods-Only diet; I have been on them all.  I even tried the Eat-Only-Your-Children’s-Leftovers diet, but my kids got really sick of my sitting next to them at dinner constantly asking them “aren’t  you finished yet?” before they even touched their food.

Now, the fact that I have been on all these diets would lead you to believe that I am an abject failure at losing weight. Actually, quite the opposite is true.   I have lost enough pounds to equal the combined total weight of the entire Japanese Olympic Sumo Wrestling team.  The problem isn’t that I am not a good weight loser; the problem is that I am an even better weight gainer.  I have yet to hit on the diet that doesn’t just lead me to lose weight, but also enables me to keep it off for good.

In order to really work, the goal of a successful weight loss plan must ultimately be to teach you to change your eating habits so the weight stays off permanently.   A diet program MUST, in my humble but experienced opinion, meet the following criteria.  A) Simplicity: I do not want a diet that comes with a 942 page instruction book and I don’t want a diet that requires a degree from MIT to accurately measure 1.2 micrograms of salad dressing.  B) Variety: I don’t want to eat unlimited quantities of steak and cheese, and nothing else, for the first 6 weeks. C) Nutritional Soundness: I don’t want a diet so lacking in essential nutrients that I need to take 40 different supplements to keep me from getting scurvy and my bones from turning to dust.

But truthfully, above all, I want a diet that allows me to eat enough food to feel full.  It is that feeling of fullness and satisfaction that ultimately allows us to stick to a diet long-term and helps us to keep thoughts of food from consuming our every waking moment.

DOES THIS EVEN EXIST????

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