The Second-Hand Eating Epidemic: A Must Read

A recent report in the American Journal of Really, Really, Really Alternative Medicine says that scientists have now discovered the radical negative effects of second-hand eating.  It seems that extensively limited, not-so conclusive, pretty much made-up-research shows a phenomenon whereby most of the calories of the food being eaten by those sitting around you inexplicably jump into your food. Thus, you are not only eating your own meal, but it’s as if you are eating the meals of EVERYONE around you!  In an even less exhaustive study, it was further discovered that the thinner the person eating next to you is, the more calories jump from their food to yours.

Doctors are now advising people trying to lose weight to avoid any type of social gathering where food is involved, especially any kind of social outings, office lunches, weddings, family barbecues and Chilli cook-offs.  In view of these staggering conclusions, ministries of Health the world over are recommending restaurants immediately designate specific non-eating areas.  A janitor who works for the World Health Organization headquarters in Urscrued, Indiana, said that he thinks he overheard someone in the men’s washroom on the third floor say that the eventual goal is to make all public areas food-free by the year 2020.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE AND DIET, LOVE AND DIET….

I want you to forget all about your current diet plan and the spinning class you will one day conquer (even if it kills you).  Now forget everything you know about diet food and exercise and quick weight loss schemes.  Forget all about calorie counting and colonic irrigation. Instead, I want you to think of only one thing.   Ready?  The ONLY thing I want on your mind right now is LOVE.  Yeah, really!

If I asked you to name the people you love most in the whole world, who would make the cut?  Would it be your spouse?  I bet your children would be at the top of your list, so would your parents and siblings. How about Brad Pitt (I’m more partial to George Clooney, but to each her own!)?  Maybe you love your best friend who knows all your deep dark secrets and still hangs out with you, or your ninth grade teacher who ignited your lifelong obsession with 11th century Russian poetry, or your butcher who always saves you the best cuts of beef and calls you “young lady”?

I’m sure your list of loved ones is probably quite long. But I bet you dollars to donuts (trans-fat free, baked-not-fried, of course), that your list would not be complete no matter how many people you name.  How do I know that if I don’t even know you personally?  Well, because what I do know, is that most of us who are chronically struggling with weight loss have a very hard time loving the indisputably, undeniably, single MOST important person in our lives. Can you guess who it is?

Y O U !!!!

Yes, Y-O-U, YOU! That funny, quirky, kind, wonderful, beautiful, smart, capable lady you go to bed with every night and wake up with every morning.  So, Jes, you ask, why is loving myself so essential to permanent weight loss? Good question! For the answer, stay tuned to next installment of The Weigh In….